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One in a Million


Every good little Christian child who was brought up in church hits that point when their faith becomes their own. For me, I was 25. I had known and loved the Lord from an early age and always desired to do right but having no real hardships or tragedies in my life deprived me of learning total reckless surrender when you realize that you are not in control… it is all Him.

At age 25, I had checked off my strategically and well thought out and prayed for list. Marry my high school sweetheart. Check. Bought our first home. Check. Graduated college. Check. Next on “the list” was to have a baby… because after all, that’s all I had ever really wanted since I was tiny, which I guess is normal when you’ve been raised by the World’s Best… and that’s fact. Imagine our disappointment when we learned that it would be a literal one in a million shot for us to become pregnant without medical assistance. It was H E A R T B R E A K I N G and also very humbling for this little planner who had planned every minute of her life, right up to then. Didn’t He know it was next on my list? What possible reason would He have to not allow me to be a mother? I would have taken any medication, no matter the risk… I would have done anything to become pregnant. And then the wise words from my husband, “It’s not like we’re old… I think we just need to wait and let God have it for a while…” He kept talking but I didn’t hear one single word past that point. Not old? How did he figure that? I was only 25 but he was 31! That isn’t old? Let God have it for a while? Hadn’t he heard the doctor? ‘Wait’ for my dream to come true? After I had obediently accomplished everything on the list to prepare for this momentous occasion?  Over the next year, I would struggle with a roller coaster of many emotions. Anger, frustration, jealousy, judgment, and alas… humility, I wasn’t really ever in control, it had been God’s grace all along. And then, finally, trust set in. Trusting God’s sovereignty in my life. I never considered fostering but began to pray about adoption. I was no longer demanding, pleading, bargaining that God would allow me to be a mother. I truly learned to completely surrender my desires to God and trust that He had a divine plan… and that plan may include adoption. And then… it happened… within a few months, we were pregnant and experienced a joy I had never known.

I realize that not everyone has the “one in a million” thrown at them and that some people find themselves pregnant in unfortunate circumstances but that rarely produces reasons or justification to terminate. I know now, on a very personal level, that I could have loved an adopted baby with the very same love I shower my children with now. Adoption is not selfish of the mother but is quite the contrary. Adoption is recognizing that every heart beats with a purpose and that by trusting your child in capable hands to help them realize God’s amazing plan for their life takes more love than the quick solution that has lifelong consequences.

As the Sanctity of Life message is shared this week on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade, I pray that anyone who finds themselves making such a difficult decision will not be lured by the lies of the Enemy and spend a lifetime with a decision that can never be undone. I pray they won’t be distracted by words like fetus or embryo and know that it is very much a baby… it is life. I pray they will find themselves in the same complete surrender as I found myself and know that what the Enemy may have meant for harm, that our merciful Lord can redeem and restore… choosing to give birth to that precious life living within you, who may be the “one in a million” that holds many of the answers or cures that the world has been praying for.

One comment

  1. Those whose heartaches go deeper than a few months delay in getting pregnant may find many reasons why “complete surrender” to what someone tells them “God” wants isn’t even imaginable.

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