Hogspore News

Get your daily sling time

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

National Hammock Day is this Friday. This bunk in the breeze is the universal symbol for relaxation, cept maybe in outter space and on planets with no gravity. The experts say that the Mayans of Central and South America come up with the idea of sleeping by hanging in trees, but probably the earliest one to do it walked between two shady trees and thought, “Ugh?”

The word Hammock comes from a Taino culture Arwakan word meaning Fishnet. At first, the Taino would lay on the ground at night, wearing socks to keep their feet warm. Then they hung stockings in the branches and started sleeping in fishnet stockings.

So, get some sling time each day. And, if you can combine a hammock and two weeks of fishing, you might have the most understanding spouse in the world. I spend a lotta time in my hammock. The wife, Punkin, don’t call me a lay about for nothing.

Old Man Grimely was relating how he checks for mail every day out by the road. “It’s a mile to the mailbox.  I take my dog, Corporate Raider, along for the walk. We need the exercise, and we both love the nature, taking in the sites and sniffing the odors in the air. Corporate Raider obediently waits for me along the trail while I do the snooping and snuffling. I leave any junk mail in the box for Sundays and hollerdays, so there’s always something for us to bring home. I let C.R. carry the letters back to the house, but I keep the Harbor Freight catalog for myself. It gives him a chance to feel needed. Then my dog will grow up right and won’t bite everybody.”

I interrupted cause the paragraph was getting too long, “Why do you go to the mailbox on Sundays and hollerdays too?”

“I know you asked me that, so you could stop me using a long paragraph. I already told you my dog enjoys the daily walks. C.R. doesn’t know what a Sunday or a hollerday is. He likes delivering the mail and I like going outside every day. Don’t obsess over newspaper design. You shouldn’t worry about that. You’re only a lay about part-time farmer.”  

Mumford Pickens says, “Smart fellers from Harvard or Muleberry County Tech School say the name, “woman”, came from womb-man. Finally, we have proof that a man can give birth. It’s just a different form of man, much better form to my eye. Course, I’m a Man and not a Beta Man-2. Beta also means better. Now we can all relax, cause we agree on something.”

Here’s the married man disclaimer: “Mumford Pickens’ ideas are his own and do not represent the opinions of Clet Litter.”

National News: Washington DC reports a new disturbing syndrome affecting a few junior congressmen. These politicians achieved political office under 30. They’re smart and focused individuals that evidently rose to position before they had the necessary experience and wisdom that’s required of the job. Discovered by Psychiatrists, the syndrome is Premature Election. The cure is to not plunge into the arena of Congress until you’re older.

Contact at Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. You know you wanna.

About Author

Ethan Nahté

See author's posts