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Mena Arkansas News covering Polk County and the surrounding area

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High school class ring

By Clet Litter 

as told to Bob Simpson

Tony’s Barbershop conducted another Think Tank session. Mumford Pickens kicked it off by saying, “I still wear my high school graduation ring.” This made Lester Sommerstone, who was sitting in the barber chair, mad cause his class ring won’t fit on any of his remaining fingers. He’s foreman down at the sawmill. Nobody was concerned that he was mad, since he can’t make a fist with either hand, and he won’t pick a fight.

Jimmy Suspenders added his piece, “I always sport my female high school wresting coach’s ring. I remember the day she pinned me with it.”

Jury duty is coming up next month. I guess I can’t complain about things occasionally without also doing my civic responsibility of serving on a jury or voting. Last time, when I said that I was retired from the CIA, the judge dismissed me for being crazy. I tried to explain that I was a sleeper cell for twenty years. I got escorted out of the courthouse. You’d think they’d have my file marked with that information already. Well, it’ll be good for a laugh before I get sent back home again.

Folks are trying to cope with the higher food prices. Smartins Grocery installed a hole in the roof to accommodate the rising costs. They’re now accepting empty corn cobs as trade-ins toward the purchase of fresh corn.  Even the Children’s Orphanage of Muleberry County is coping with inflation by watering down the evening meal of gruel.

This has nothing to do with big prices, but there was a representative from the Watermelon Commission out front of Smartins conducting a survey. He asked, “Do you eat watermelon with salt or sugar?”

My answer was, “No, there ain’t a saltshaker or sugar bowl around when you steal a watermelon.”

Old man Grimely was telling about his experience getting a package delivered to his home. He said, “I received my order from Amazon for some underwear. I asked the delivery driver to wait while I tried them on to see if they fit. He wouldn’t come in the house, so I had to try on all 14 pair of underdrawers while he waited on the porch with me.”

Hollywood News, some day: “Britney Spears, Age 65, Breaks Hip, Oops.”
Contact at You know you wanna.

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