My Pulse Hogspore News

Hank Aring was Back in Town

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

Hank Aring is back in town. Hank’s real name is Ober Flow, brother of Ebben Flow who works for the water department here. Hank Aring is Ober’s stage name in Nashville. Hank come back to Hogspore to repair his voice that he lost on a six-month country music tour.

Doc Spicer saw Hank, but Hank wouldn’t cooperate. Doc Spicer wanted him to go without talking for 4 weeks to recover his voice. Hank wouldn’t, so Doc Spicer called in veterinarian Doc Muley for a consultation.

Vet Muley fashioned an anti-bark collar for dogs to fit Hank. Every time Hank talked or sang, he’d get an electric jolt to his neck. Hank caught on quick cause he weren’t an old dog yet. No more sounds come out of Hank’s throat for 4 weeks.

Hank’s back on the road with his singing voice. The only drawback to the treatment was that the band’s tour bus has to stop every two hours to let Hank do his business in the bushes alongside the highway.

Here’s how a friend of mine got his nickname. My friend once hid under the bed of a woman cause her real boyfriend came home early one night. He stared at the bed slats while the couple on the bed snoozed through the night. He was too scared to leave. He made his getaway after the couple got up and took off for work in the morning. His buddies heard his story and now we call him Slats.

The tugboat captain claimed that a hat contributed to the sinking of his boat. He ordered his cap online and thought the company had jinxed him by sending him the wrong cap size.

A hen will stop laying eggs when she gets older. When Helen Hen starts going through Henopause, the farmer’s family gets out the stew pot and starts chopping vegetables. Then Helen thinks she’s going to a retirement home called A Pot for Mom.

Roosters have their own problems. As soon as Sam Rooster gets too ancient to strut his stuff, then Hank Hungry’s farm family starts slicing carrots, onions, and celery, while Granny crumbles up the stale cornbread. When they’re done, it’s time to dispatch Sam Rooster, so the family can stuff his strut and ease him into the waiting roasting pan. Life is hard on the farm, but sometimes it can be mighty tasty too.

You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. You know you wanna.

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Ethan Nahté

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