My Pulse News

Mena Arkansas News covering Polk County and the surrounding area

Pulse Hogspore News:

Big doings coming at high school Saturday

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

     Big doings Saturday coming over to the high school auditorium. The Little Miss Hogspore Beauty Pageant happens. Some years, it’s the Hit or Miss Pageant. For grandparents who don’t cotton to no newfangled electronic hearing machines, courtesy ear horns are available thanks to the County Museum from donations of families. The museum has stored over a thousand ear trumpets of deef departed dear ones. Their slogan is “We Accept Art, But We Got Plenty Of Room For More Ear Trumpets.” It ain’t the most catchy phrase to come along.  

     The Barbershop Think Tank was working this week. We discussed our favorite memories of Grandpappys and Grandmammys. Here’s our recollections:  My memories of my granny forgetting to take a switch to me. Grandpappy would put his teeth in for group pictures. Granny finally had to go to a home cause she kept putting her cigarettes out in Baby Wiliker’s soft spot. When Grandma died, I sat behind Grandpa at the funeral. I could only see the back of Grandpappy, and he was just ashaking from all the sobbing. I got in line to give him a family type hug. He weren’t crying. He was chuckling and holding hands with one of the church ladies.

     Town Talks: Old Man Grimely says, “I’m so aged that my doctor gave me a referral to another doctor. It was the county coroner.” Mumford Pickens poses, “You know who should swallow a mineral supplement, specially with trace minerals? A detective.” Widow Fenster says, “When indoors, covens always happen at broom temperature.”

     Final editor’s choice to leave in cause it makes fun of people in history: Hitler was never a great artist. He could only paint the top right part of the canvas, cause that’s where his right arm involuntarily went to. Medieval Identity problem: Trans-knight and queen of the drag, until he took a sickness with the 24-hour plague.

     The only theory of relativity I know is if an old timer asks a new comer, “Who are your people?”

     Contact at You know you wanna.

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