Taking Grimely’s Goat For A Walk
By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
Here’s an update on the big doings last week in Winslow’s Holler. Tommy Smuckerhead found the largest worm in the composted Hayride. It weighed in at 20 pounds, 4 ounces. He won 50 dollars. I know some of you out there are wondering what that worm brought per pound. It come to $2.50 a pound. It’s a might less, but I got a headache before I could work out what to do with the 4 ounces.
There weren’t no official prizes for the rest of the worms that the children captured, but them kids didn’t go home losers. All of Hogspore’s bass anglers bought all that juicy wiggling bait for a dollar a worm.
The boys in Tony’s Barbershop were reminiscing about how they grew up. Junior Bickum told about his time in college. I couldn’t relate too much about his excess learning. The Bickum family sent him off to college for a while, at least till the sheriff closed out the 12 unsolved vandalism cases. Junior said, “I remember my English professor was so proud when he published a book on grammar. It didn’t sell well though, cause there were all kinda mistakes in it. The university review board held a hearing, and they all agreed on the judgment. He didn’t go to jail for bad grammar, but they did give him a suspended run-on sentence.”
Science has since proven that a lot of publishing errors come from folks with blood Type O.
Junior dropped out of college. He come back to town and got a Technical school degree in Explosives, Magna Cum Louda with a minor in Hardware Store Management.
Old Man Grimely was next, “Our mother never washed our clothes. She used to spray us with the garden hose and then hang us on the line to dry. My ears still hurt from those clothespins.”
Jimmy Suspenders tried to take Grimely’s goat for a walk, when he asked, “Did you have inkwells at your desks when you were in school?”
Grimely knew what was going on. “We certainly did not have ink wells in my time.” Then he laughed and said, “There weren’t any ink wells in desks till long after I got outta school.”
Old Man Grimely’s story reminded me of what happened right often in my house. Momma would sprinkle the outdoor line dry clothes with a water bottle, and put them in the fridge to iron them the next day. She did the same to me. But, I weren’t ever ironed. She just folded me and left me in the double door avocado green Kenmore for a few days cause I’d messed up. I probably deserved it.
Mumford Pickens says, “Clet’s dog, Ol Slump, is a mix of about 7 breeds. Course, everybody in town knows that so, I guess my point is mutt.”
Contact Clet Litter at firstname.lastname@example.org.