Hogspore News

Stop Sign on the Mayor’s Street  

By Clet Litter from the Ozarks

I’m setting at the kitchen table writing out this news report whilst listening to three of my favorite sounds, rain, a train filing through town, and Punkin’s singing, (most of the time). I hope she don’t feel bad that her warbling is sometimes annoying, specially since nothing about me bothers her.  

Jimmy Suspenders said, “I made a mistake. I ordered two solar panels for our doghouse. I’m out there in it so much; I wanna install some air conditioning or at least a fan. Sara won’t let me run a power line from our garage to the doghouse. When I received my order for the panels, they turned out to be solar pants. Now, I’m getting curious looks and a few comments like, ‘Hey, I bet you got amps in your pants.’ or ‘Watt’s Up!’ Every time I go out in the sun, my pants start humming.”

The Hogspore First Non-Denominational Church of Backsliders and Mid-week Sinners is holding a workshop series on life insurance for sinners every Thursday from 11 am to 1 pm, with a 45-minute lunch at noon in the Fellership Hall. Preacher says, “The meetings will be hosted by our own Deacon Brimely Fineprint, CLU. His fully insured wife, Miss Barbara, will be in the kitchen working on a blessed repast with endless tater chips. 

Brother Brimely is gonna consider a different topic each week for 6 weeks. Be sure to be there this Thursday for the kickoff meeting on motivating yourself through guilt to ensure your spouse survives the financial burden once you’re gone, no matter where you end up. You’d probably have a better chance of sneaking ito heaven if you loved your family.”  

Mayor Deighed Ringer called a meeting with the city commission to discuss adding a stop sign at the corner in front of His Honor’s house. He wants to slow down traffic on the street cause his wife’s dog, Snuggle Wuggles, keeps running into the road. He doesn’t vote on these things unless there’s a tie with the eight commissioners. So far, the count has been four nays, one No Way, and three yeas.

The whole town knows that at the next session there’s gonna be a tie, which the Mayor will break with his vote. He has some old photos of Commissioner No Way.    

Contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. You know you wanna.

About Author

Jeri Pearson

Jeri is the News Director for Pulse Multi-Media and Editor of The Polk County Pulse. She has 10 years of experience in community focused journalism and has won multiple press association awards.

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