By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
Junior Bickum bought himself a rechargeable battery operated automatic robot lawn mower for his one-acre front yard. He got it wholesale through his hardware store business. He said, “The Blade and Ducker Auto 3,000 model comes with two batteries and a charger. I can set it to run whenever I want. When it gets low on juice, it returns to the charger to take a nap. If I don’t wanna wait, I shove in a spare battery in Mini Mowey and send him back to the frontlines.”
Junior continued, “My wife has grown fond of it and takes it out for walks after supper. Every so often, the mower stops and drops a mass of grass on the side of the road. She picks it up and puts it in his duty box. She said, ‘Our Mini Mowey is so cute when he’s taking a Clump.”’
The Equally Challenged Rodeo comes to town this weekend. They match the rider’s flaw to rodeo animals with the same weakness. This year’s theme is Hemorrhoids. There’s a star field of your favorite buckaroos and beasts. The owners have even signed the famous bull, Pile Driver. Co-Owner and previous barrelman Ben Tupp said, “It was fairly easy to find bulls with hemorrhoids, especially the ones that ate a lot of wheat straw. It makes them real mean with a lotta try.
We did have more trouble getting enough broncobusters with hemorrhoids that were younger than 40, but we did it. These boys have major saddle time, and are ready to ride. They put in a mess of preparation, and we’re not expecting any of our fellers to sit this one out. They’re itching to get started.
Grab some tickets for the formal dinner and line dancing after the last show. Remember, it’s white tie duds, so that means evening gowns for the ladies and Tucks for the gentlemen.”
Mumford Pickens says, “I finally got around to reading The Hunt for Red October by Tom Clancy. It’s basically just a subplot.”
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