By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
My dog, Ol Slump, hates getting his paw nails clipped. I thought about teasing him to make him nervous, so he would start biting them instead. There’s too many reasons why that is wrong. I didn’t say it out loud, so it don’t count. I come up on a notion that worked, and I don’t have to trim his nails. I fashioned him a skateboard with a laminated emery board top.
Master Distiller of Untaxed Whiskey, Mumford Pickens has been married five times, and he thinks he might stay single for a while. He said, “It’s just me and my dog, and we’re doing fine. If that feller doesn’t see me for thirty minutes, he greets me like I rescued him from the pound. Veterinarian bills, pet food, and beef jerky, (we share the jerky), are a mighty cheap price to pay for that kinda love.”
Grandson Benny was worried now that he’s older, that he may have overlooked dating short girls while he was in high school. He don’t do it now either, not even 12th graders. He felt better when I reassured him, “Not atall.”
The good part about time passing is that most of the self-help thinking is gone. You won’t hear folks discussing being a free spirit or discovering who they are. Everybody is tied to a mortgage, a marriage, a truck payment, or ungifted children that eat too much. Most folks have already found themselves or stopped looking.
What you still might hear ever so often is, “Dance like nobody’s watching.” I’m gonna hang on to that one, but I added some warnings, “Dance like nobody’s watching, cept in a cemetery, especially if you’re one of the pallbearers.”
Morton Trubletoof got himself a satellite TV dish on his barn roof. His wife, Portia, is loving it cause he stays out in the barn after supper working on his used RV project and enjoying movies. Most days, she don’t see him for the rest of the night. I asked Morton what films he liked. He said, “I favor them all. I sure do love watching those pretend people.”
Uncle Bud is a part-time exorcist. He only works on Wickens.
Contact Clet Litter at firstname.lastname@example.org.