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Mena Arkansas News covering Polk County and the surrounding area

Hogspore News

Free Bananas Last Weekend 

By Clet Litter from the Ozarks    

Old Man Grimely hurt himself dragging some downed branches from the windstorm last Wednesday. Doc Spicer said he had bilateral rotator cuff sprains. Sounds serious, like he injured himself on a tractor trying to rotate crops. (When a jockey whips both sides of his horse in the home stretch, he’s also rotating his crops. I said “his,” cause if it was a lady jockey, she wouldn’t be whipping the horse, unless it didn’t take out the garbage.) Turns out Grimely merely sprung his shoulders. Course, Doc’s diagnosis was the one that gets the big money. Grimely commented, “I’m doing better, but I have to hold off using my shoulders for a month. The only way to raise my arms now is to put them up for adoption.”

     Hogspore closed down the three-day Tribute to Fresh Fruit and Granulated Sugar last Sunday afternoon. City crews and volunteers cleaned the Town Rectangle and the side alleys downtown. It took four runs with Morty Swinter’s street cleaning and vacuum truck to sop up the sugar and syrup muck on the streets. Morty don’t use the truck to earn a living. It’s just his peculiar hobby that lets him roam the roads whenever he’s too tense or can’t sleep. Nobody complains about the noise at night, since he cleans the streets for free.

     Hogspore got a bonus this year for the event. The Chiquita Banana Company sent 500 bunches of bananas and 27 spiders for us to give away as prizes. City Hall is gonna be busy next month getting those 1099 income tax forms to the winners. The banana prizewinners are probably expecting them forms. As the Mayor says, “There’s no free lunch, not even bananas.” The folks that will be out of sorts are the citizens who won the 27 spiders, valued at $300.00 each. The Mayor come up with that figure, so it must be right. 

     Two days till Christmas, so I still have plenty of time to, as they say in consumer’s language, snag my shopping gifts. Remember to shop locally. Support the small businesses. That don’t apply to burglars. You fellers stay out of my neighborhood. I sure hope that the cookies and milk we leave out for Santa don’t make you sick.

     The newspaper editor asked me to include a follow-up warning about the fireplace streaming videos. If you’re running a fireplace video, please also run a smaller screen next to it with a fire extinguisher. Has anybody tried fly-fishing a live-streaming trout river? I did, but lost too many of my favorite flies in the living room curtains. 

     Almost all the Hogspore citizens wish you a very Merry Christmas. 

     You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com.

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