Demolition Derby Returns to Winslow’s Holler
By Clet Litter from the Ozarks
Folks in Hogspore made it through Mother’s Day with no damages, cept for some women who felt neglected, but kept it to themselves cause they’re training to become future unwelcome mothers-in-law. Messing up on Mother’s Day is like landing on a hotel in Monopoly; the rent due is Guilt, Humility, and Shame.
Mumford Pickens has the inside story on Robin Hood, who stole from the rich and give to the poor. Mumford says, “First off, if that was his whole job, he musta set aside some loot. Robin needed to feed his merry band who weren’t too merry if they was starving. He also had that high-maintenance princess girlfriend to please. It takes more than a well-fitting set of tights, a sharp sword, and a belt buckle that swashes to keep a princess happy. Then comes the archery expenses and the constant replacing of stout fighting staffs for Little John, plus the two-week winter getaways with Friar Tuck.
When you steal from the rich and give to the poor, it keeps you right busy. When the poor get some money, then you have to take it back from them. It’s good that we don’t do that anymore.”
The second annual Winslow’s Holler Figure 8 Demolition Derby with Old School Buses runs this weekend. You can find the track in Duncan Winslow’s fallow north 40 acres. There’s a slight change in the hay condition for the hayride. Have your kids wear waterproof clothes or bathing suits, due to the hay turning to compost early, what with the rain these past weeks. Duncan’s making lemonade out of lemons by having a cash prize for the biggest worm found in the compost by the youngsters. I know it sounds like lemonade is gonna be there, but that ain’t what lemons into lemonade means. It kinda does, but in this case, it don’t mean that at all. If you wanna sip lemonade, then you’d better bring it yourself. I’m becoming sorta mad that you’re not getting this.
After what happened last year, there ain’t gonna be any children in the Figure 8 Demolition Derby with Old School Buses infield without sober parents. That don’t mean that if the parents are sober, then the kids can be drunk. It also don’t mean that un-sober parents can go into the infield if they don’t carry in their youngins. I’m begging now; don’t get me started again.
Contact Clet Litter at firstname.lastname@example.org.