My Pulse News

Mena Arkansas News covering Polk County and the surrounding area

My Pulse Hogspore News

In Five Years

By Clet Litter from the Ozarks

Mumford Pickens has some advice for you in a job interview. “Some time in the conversation, the interviewer is gonna ask you, ‘Where do you see yourself in 5 years?’ Here’s your answer to lighten the mood, but you’d better have a serious second answer to follow up with. Your reply should be, ‘In 5 years, I see myself in front of a mirror.’

But, if you’re only there to comply with an unemployment requirement to look for a job, then don’t add anything.” 

Jill and Randy Backwater, (the wife is named first out of respect for the CEO), were only married nine months and a day, when they had a child. It’s a new Hogspore record. The sad part is that folks reckon the marriage won’t last much longer, cause the youngin’s name is Custody.

Morton Trubletoof was in Tony’s Barbershop complaining, “Me and Portia are running out of room in our house.”

Old man Grimely woke to say, “Why were you running out of a room?” Then he fell asleep again with the Popular Women Mechanics swimsuit issue over his eyes. 

Hardy Barkins said, “You have a two-bedroom house for just the two of you. So, what’s wrong?”

“I’ve got my trapping and hunting gear in the spare bedroom and my wife needs that room for a craft space.”

Hardy said, “Put that stuff in the garage.”

“That’s what Portia says, but I keep my bass boat and trailer in there. So, I think we outta get a bigger home.”

Tony stops cutting hair, so now he wants to get involved, “You can build a second story for more square footage, maybe even install a set of them winding stairs that Portia might like.”

Morton said, “Yeah, but I hear there’s a lot of work goes to living with them. Nobody ever talks about who has to wind them stairs back up every night.”

There’s a few lawsuit settlements out there for health damages from using Drowned Up to kill weeds. I don’t use weed killers, but I sure hope it ain’t bad to give a little zing to a can of soda with it. 

Contact Clet Litter at

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