Hogspore News

Christmas cavalcade candy consequences

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

The Christmas Parade come through town Saturday, the way Chicago celerbrated in 2005 when Ozzie Guillen took the White Sox to the World Series, winning 4-0. That sounds like I’m familiar with sports, but I really don’t follow football that much. I do know Santa though, he was tossing candy at children, whilst pretending to throw an elf off the lead float. By the time the parade ended, all the youngins with candy in their systems were running wild and were just a blur. The grandparents that drove their sugar-crazed grandchildren home wished that they could still buy Paregoric without a prescription.

I’ve got my shopping done, cept for my wife’s Pomeranian dog, Tugboat. He’s hard to shop for, cause Tugboat is too small for a lot of jackets or sweaters, and he can’t abide flannel or plaid. I can’t pick out a new leash without testing it first to make certain it don’t weigh much. Trouble is, he’s gonna learn what the present is before Christmas if he tries one on in the Dogs Are More Important Than People Store. I won’t buy him a bed from the L.L. Bean catalog, since Punkin will think that’s showing off. Maybe I should get him another Chinese Communist tasting chewy toy. 

Larry’s Funeral Home is adding a residence wing for old nuns. It’s a sistered living facility. The next project is a retirement community for priests. Both facilities will share a lounge featuring a cloister bar.

Diversity Week starts today, not that there’s anything wrong with starting it on a different day. On Tuesday, the celerbration continues with “Bring a Pot of Ethnic Grub to the Court House” for sharing with your neighbors. We’re bringing a Macaroni-Termite-Octopus casserole. I hope someone brings the Barbequed Blubber Platter again this year.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, cept for Jimmy Suspenders who thought we were celerbrating Perversity Week. 

Contact at Bobsimpson1947@yahoo.com. You know you wanna.

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