What You Should Really Say When Your Friend Declares, ‘I’m So Fat!’

BY COUNTY EXTENSION AGENT, KIM HUGHES

When a friend complains about her weight, what do you say? Do you go the supportive route and encourage her to start dieting? Or do you follow the unspoken rule of female friendship and tell her that she looks great just as she is?

New research suggests that the latter option is actually the most effective way to make your friend not only feel better, but potentially help her stop stressing out about her body and, in turn, lose weight.  By the end of the study, those who were initially concerned about their weight but had received mainly positive messages — like, “You look great just as you are” — generally maintained or even lost weight. Those who had the same initial concerns but were told by their loved ones to try to reach their fitness goals and lose weight actually gained an average of four pounds during those months.

Feeling bad about the size of their bodies doesn’t make people lose weight — it only puts them at greater risk of gaining. The stress from all of that weight preoccupation can cause people to lose control, and eat more or even binge eat. Social approval, on the other hand, has been shown to support physical health.

It just seems that, in this particular culture, there’s no good outcome from bugging our loved ones about their weight, no matter how good our intentions.  They’re getting those messages all over the place, so they don’t need to hear it from us.

Offering reassurance, rather than pressure, can make a woman less stressed and cause her to lose weight without wasting mental real estate on body insecurities.

If you care about the health and well-being of a friend who feels she needs to lose weight, accepting her and enjoying your time together is the way to go, whether or not she needs to lose weight for health reasons. Remember: Contributing to a friend’s weight preoccupation will likely only stress her out and set her up for diet failure.

If you’re concerned about your own weight, surround yourself with compassionate people who accept you the way you are. Unlike low self-esteem and crash diets, spending time with people who love you is good for your health and well-being.

About Author

Jeri Pearson

Jeri is the News Director for Pulse Multi-Media and Editor of The Polk County Pulse. She has 10 years of experience in community focused journalism and has won multiple press association awards.

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