Hogspore News

Shovel chocolate in your mouth

By Clet Litter as told to Bob Simpson

Valentine’s Day was yesterday. If you didn’t have a Valentine, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy. Today, buy the Valentine’s candy that’s on sale and shovel chocolate in your mouth til you’re in a coma. 

Here’s an interesting statistic. Studies show that 1 in 3 adults don’t get enough sleep. That means 3 adults shouldn’t sleep in the same bed. If someone says, “Well, what about adult dogs, cats, or mules?” 

I would say, “Shut up!”

This Friday is Bring Your Mule to Work Day. It’s official, the family pets won’t have to use a face mask. You can set them on Full-Bray. Let the hee-haws bong through the business district. The area is now a full block long, thanks to the recent opening of the Stills, Parts, and Supplies Shoppe. The farmers and ranchers have a chance to bring mules to the Mule Beauty Pageant cause, there’s not much work for them. There’s always jealousy tween them and the city mules. The rural ones have time to wear costumes to spruce up, maybe get their hooves polished. 

Mayor Ringer tried to smooth it over at the mule beauty contest last year by offering a joke before the judging began. “It’s time we put aside the annual bickering between the working mules and the pet mules. It behooves us to work together.” No one laughed, there was general grumbling among the mules. The mayor saved any rowdydow when he announced, “Free barbeque after the judging!” Everything settled down cause those mules love that barbeque.

Hank Ring has a new song. It’s a country novelty tune. Here’s the lyrics. If you need to hear it, then have at it. Like my Pappy, it’s streaming somewhere.

“Please Don’t Harm Monica”

Monica married you for better or worse.

Now you said that you wanted a divorce.**

Remember what I said at the wedding

That hot day in July.

If you hurt her, then you might have to die.

CHORUS: 

Please don’t harm Monica. 

Even though you don’t love her no more.

Please don’t harm Monica.

Cause you’ll be in the river, washing ashore.

VERSE:

You wooed, and courted her till she said yes.

She was sporting your ring, and then it got repossessed.

If I was you, I’d be on the bus out of town 

Someplace far away.

Or stay here, and don’t see another day.

CHORUS: 

Please don’t harm Monica. 

Even though you don’t love her no more.

Please don’t harm Monica.

Cause you’ll be in the river, washing ashore.

Old Man Grimely related, “I was walking down Memory Lane, but I forgot why.”

**If you think that worse and divorce are a bad rhyme, remember, it’s a good rhyme for Hogspore.

You can contact Clet Litter at bobsimpson2007@AOL.com You know you wanna.

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